Animal's Weight-loss Tips

Here's a surefire way to ditch some weight really fast. I tried this on Sunday, and it worked like a fuckin' dream. You just eat:

1) One (1) yogurt 4 days past it's "sell-by" date, plus

2) One (1) great big helping of free sample "seafood" salad from supermarket, full of cloying mayonnaise

Then:

1) Reserve one (1) bathroom for several hours

2) Buy one (1) disposable sponge to clean shit squirts off of toilet

3) Buy one (1) disposable brush to scrub vomit flakes out of beard

That's it! Be sure to let me know how it works for you, okay?