Ho, Ho, Ho!
Gah! Another waste of my time! I should be composing!!
1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?
1. Eggnog or Hot Chocolate?
I like both, but under different circumstances. Hot chocolate is a snowy-afternoon thing, while eggnog (with rum!) is an evening/party thing.
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
He wraps them, using different paper than Tess & I have. I think he has the elves make it special.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Little strands of both on our little tabletop tree, white outlining our porch.
4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but I saw a dippy t-shirt printed with a picture of mistletoe on the belly. Hmmm. What's the message there? "If you're under this, you might as well smooch my love rocket"?
5. When do you put your decorations up?
Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving. We downsized this year, filling an entire box of "giveaway" holiday crap that's too tacky even for US.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Stuffing. (Mmmmm...stuffing.)
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
All my "child" memories are caught up together while we were living in Auburn. The whole holiday TIME seems child-like to me, something I really feel helps keep the adult me young at heart. I just loved the whole time of making construction-paper chains of red & green at school, and being OUT of school for a few weeks, and people coming over, and calling my best friend on Christmas afternoon asking "what'd YOU get?!?"
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I always read at a higher level than my age, so I was deep into a book intended for the 12-14 crowd when the older siblings started talking about being careful not to tell their younger brother that Santa wasn't real. I was stunned...and, it didn't take me long to put two and two together and figure out the skinny on the Easter Bunny, either!! For YEARS I tried to find that book (being one of those vaguely sad guys who feels compelled to buy back his childhood at 10x the original cost), even going so far as to try to harass older librarians by relating the few skimpy plot details I could remember. Finally, the internet came to my rescue, and I was able to refine my Google search enough to cough up the book. Then, on to eBay, where I think I was the only bidder on my tight-binding copy of Mrs. Coverlet's Magicians. When they told us that the internet would put a world of information at our fingertips? THIS is what they meant!!
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
As a child, yes. This was abandoned by my family when I got into my teen years, but has been revived by associating with that Tess.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
It's all Tess' stuff, and it's really lovely. Instead of worrying about where to store a big ol' tree, she simply has this little 18" job that fits beautifully on one of our pub tables. When she first bought it (B.S., or "Before Scott") she & her mom looked all over for very tiny ornaments for this tree. Now it takes about 1/2 an hour to put the whole thing together, and it's decorated with lovely little crystal angels and tiny glass bulbs (to which we are CONSTANTLY losing hooks, resulting in a hilarious menagerie of bent-up paperclips) and little silk roses. Then, presents go under & around the "Christmas table."
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it, except when I have to drive in it. Which is, you know, pretty much every day it snows. So, I guess I'm screwed. *sigh!*
12. Can you ice skate?
Yup. Skating was big to us 70s children, so I've had a pair for as long as I can remember. Black figure skates with the bottom two toe picks ground off. ("Toe pick!") None of those pussy hockey skates for me!
13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
No, not really. I'm an only child, so pretty much ALL the gifts are for me. Mom had great taste in toys, and now that I'm an adult (so-called) she gives really cool (i.e., expensive) electronic presents. And snow blowers...THAT was a good gift, once we moved to a corner house with 150 feet of sidewalk! Tess is always very creative, and her mom has great taste in clothes. It's all good.
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Fambly.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
My best friend Eric has a mother who is a baking fiend. She makes all manner of pies & cakes...but the BEST is always her Christmas cookies. I don't know how she gets them so THICK, and so that they stay soft for weeks! As kids, when I would spend the night at his place we'd always take a big Ziploc bag down to his bedroom and just gorge on those frosted slabs o'heaven while we read & reread comix until I passed out from sugar intoxication.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Getting out all the wrapping shit, popping a holiday DVD into the player and making a mess. Usually with the cat's help.
17. What tops your tree?
A little plastic angel with a red woolen robe. Our white light strand wouldn't do its thing this year, and we discovered a bulb was missing. I replaced it, but when Tess went to top the tree she said "Oh! Our angel has a bulb crammed up her ass!" I really had to go to work with a pair of pliars to get that sumbitch outta there; turns out that, while Tess liked poking her onto a bulb so that she'd be all lit up pretty, the heat from that tiny bulb was slowly melting the plastic. Now she just has a branch crammed up her poop chute.
18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?
Both. I'm a pretty clever gift-giver, so I really like seeing people open up what I've given. But, well, yeah, receiving doesn't suck.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Fast: Jingle Bells? by Barbra "Cancel Detroit" Streisand
Slow: Silver Bells by Jerry Vale
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yum, but for some reason I don't suck them as much as I did when I was a kid. Then, I would always take a little of my allowance and buy one of those big honkin' candy POLES and just work that bitch down to a sharpened stake. I'm probably lucky I didn't end up stabbing one through the back of my throat while I was running around the house.
21. Favorite Christmas movie?
Cheesy Christmas movies are EXACTLY my thing! Hard to pick a fave, so you get a list-within-a-list. In no particular order: The Family Man, A Christmas Story, Holiday Inn, It's A Wonderful Life, Elf, The Polar Express, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas, A Wish For Wings That Work, and every single damn Rankin/Bass special from the 70s. Every one.
22. What do you leave for Santa?
Uh...good cheer? I guess nothing right now, but that'll change with a child. I'm still debating whether it's possible to teach a kid that Santa represents the wonder & joy of the season (sorry Christians, but as an agnostic...well, moving on...) without the need for him or her to believe in a bona fide flesh-&-blood being. We'll see.
So, to all y'all out there: let's see YOUR Chrimble list! And be sure to have a Twisted Fuckin' Christmas.
2. Does Santa wrap presents or just sit them under the tree?
He wraps them, using different paper than Tess & I have. I think he has the elves make it special.
3. Colored lights on tree/house or white?
Little strands of both on our little tabletop tree, white outlining our porch.
4. Do you hang mistletoe?
No, but I saw a dippy t-shirt printed with a picture of mistletoe on the belly. Hmmm. What's the message there? "If you're under this, you might as well smooch my love rocket"?
5. When do you put your decorations up?
Usually the weekend after Thanksgiving. We downsized this year, filling an entire box of "giveaway" holiday crap that's too tacky even for US.
6. What is your favorite holiday dish (excluding dessert)?
Stuffing. (Mmmmm...stuffing.)
7. Favorite Holiday memory as a child:
All my "child" memories are caught up together while we were living in Auburn. The whole holiday TIME seems child-like to me, something I really feel helps keep the adult me young at heart. I just loved the whole time of making construction-paper chains of red & green at school, and being OUT of school for a few weeks, and people coming over, and calling my best friend on Christmas afternoon asking "what'd YOU get?!?"
8. When and how did you learn the truth about Santa?
I always read at a higher level than my age, so I was deep into a book intended for the 12-14 crowd when the older siblings started talking about being careful not to tell their younger brother that Santa wasn't real. I was stunned...and, it didn't take me long to put two and two together and figure out the skinny on the Easter Bunny, either!! For YEARS I tried to find that book (being one of those vaguely sad guys who feels compelled to buy back his childhood at 10x the original cost), even going so far as to try to harass older librarians by relating the few skimpy plot details I could remember. Finally, the internet came to my rescue, and I was able to refine my Google search enough to cough up the book. Then, on to eBay, where I think I was the only bidder on my tight-binding copy of Mrs. Coverlet's Magicians. When they told us that the internet would put a world of information at our fingertips? THIS is what they meant!!
9. Do you open a gift on Christmas Eve?
As a child, yes. This was abandoned by my family when I got into my teen years, but has been revived by associating with that Tess.
10. How do you decorate your Christmas Tree?
It's all Tess' stuff, and it's really lovely. Instead of worrying about where to store a big ol' tree, she simply has this little 18" job that fits beautifully on one of our pub tables. When she first bought it (B.S., or "Before Scott") she & her mom looked all over for very tiny ornaments for this tree. Now it takes about 1/2 an hour to put the whole thing together, and it's decorated with lovely little crystal angels and tiny glass bulbs (to which we are CONSTANTLY losing hooks, resulting in a hilarious menagerie of bent-up paperclips) and little silk roses. Then, presents go under & around the "Christmas table."
11. Snow! Love it or Dread it?
Love it, except when I have to drive in it. Which is, you know, pretty much every day it snows. So, I guess I'm screwed. *sigh!*
12. Can you ice skate?
Yup. Skating was big to us 70s children, so I've had a pair for as long as I can remember. Black figure skates with the bottom two toe picks ground off. ("Toe pick!") None of those pussy hockey skates for me!
13. Do you remember your favorite gift?
No, not really. I'm an only child, so pretty much ALL the gifts are for me. Mom had great taste in toys, and now that I'm an adult (so-called) she gives really cool (i.e., expensive) electronic presents. And snow blowers...THAT was a good gift, once we moved to a corner house with 150 feet of sidewalk! Tess is always very creative, and her mom has great taste in clothes. It's all good.
14. What's the most important thing about the Holidays for you?
Fambly.
15. What is your favorite Holiday Dessert?
My best friend Eric has a mother who is a baking fiend. She makes all manner of pies & cakes...but the BEST is always her Christmas cookies. I don't know how she gets them so THICK, and so that they stay soft for weeks! As kids, when I would spend the night at his place we'd always take a big Ziploc bag down to his bedroom and just gorge on those frosted slabs o'heaven while we read & reread comix until I passed out from sugar intoxication.
16. What is your favorite holiday tradition?
Getting out all the wrapping shit, popping a holiday DVD into the player and making a mess. Usually with the cat's help.
17. What tops your tree?
A little plastic angel with a red woolen robe. Our white light strand wouldn't do its thing this year, and we discovered a bulb was missing. I replaced it, but when Tess went to top the tree she said "Oh! Our angel has a bulb crammed up her ass!" I really had to go to work with a pair of pliars to get that sumbitch outta there; turns out that, while Tess liked poking her onto a bulb so that she'd be all lit up pretty, the heat from that tiny bulb was slowly melting the plastic. Now she just has a branch crammed up her poop chute.
18. Which do you prefer giving or Receiving?
Both. I'm a pretty clever gift-giver, so I really like seeing people open up what I've given. But, well, yeah, receiving doesn't suck.
19. What is your favorite Christmas Song?
Fast: Jingle Bells? by Barbra "Cancel Detroit" Streisand
Slow: Silver Bells by Jerry Vale
20. Candy Canes! Yuck or Yum?
Yum, but for some reason I don't suck them as much as I did when I was a kid. Then, I would always take a little of my allowance and buy one of those big honkin' candy POLES and just work that bitch down to a sharpened stake. I'm probably lucky I didn't end up stabbing one through the back of my throat while I was running around the house.
21. Favorite Christmas movie?
Cheesy Christmas movies are EXACTLY my thing! Hard to pick a fave, so you get a list-within-a-list. In no particular order: The Family Man, A Christmas Story, Holiday Inn, It's A Wonderful Life, Elf, The Polar Express, A Charlie Brown Christmas, Emmet Otter's Jugband Christmas, A Wish For Wings That Work, and every single damn Rankin/Bass special from the 70s. Every one.
22. What do you leave for Santa?
Uh...good cheer? I guess nothing right now, but that'll change with a child. I'm still debating whether it's possible to teach a kid that Santa represents the wonder & joy of the season (sorry Christians, but as an agnostic...well, moving on...) without the need for him or her to believe in a bona fide flesh-&-blood being. We'll see.
So, to all y'all out there: let's see YOUR Chrimble list! And be sure to have a Twisted Fuckin' Christmas.
posted by Animal at 9:34 AM
3 Comments:
i do believe that's the most frightening santa picture i've ever seen.
happy holidays!
yo bro
i had this awesome comment, if i don't mind complimenting myself, to your previous post, but....
my GD laptop dumped it....
Arrrgh!!!!
So instead i'll make lemonade....
y'know how i know you're gay???
the taste of sperm on your breath...wait how do i know that taste? doh...
Ahhh, the sweet memories of the holiday season. I love it.
Okay, c'mon, I'm looking for a rambling missive on the trials and tribulations of upcoming parenthood. Don't leave me hangin'.
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